Something new

Hey Mario, I don’t write you for a long time ago. I don’t know what can be the reason that makes me feel like this, and forgive me if I write something wrong, but there are things that can’t be writing in our mother tongue or in the same way, and this could be a different way to do it. I guess that everything started with He.

Today I talked with daddy and he said that this was so unfair, why he? And suddenly his eyes became in sadness and I didn’t know what to do with him, or with me, or with everybody in this house, because grandma disappears too and mama is very tired. I don’t know what to do, really, everything changed in this immense summer of one week. How can I explain you how do you feel when you arrive home full of new plans and in questions of seconds everything come down? There aren’t words… Sometimes I remember by accident his brown eyes and I seem to see a black shadow running in the corners. But there isn’t anything and then I feel so fool…

I want that you understand me; it’s hard to say every time that I’m good, that nothing cares me…  And it isn’t pain or emptiness, it’s just absence. And the absence is the worst thing that you could support. Because pain come and goes, and you can fill the emptiness in the end, but the absence is something that you can’t control. It’s something that stays here, in every floor tile of the house and all of the streets that you walk with him. It stays even in the family eyes, because you see her or him, and when you say his name a tiny tear appears and it’s just a matter of time that somebody explodes. Me, the first.

And yesterday mama told me: “where do you go with your little honey eyes and your short hair?” And I answered that still, it could be worth to try it. Then I found a lot of interesting people, some of them amazing, but anyone like you, Mario. Now everybody try that I forget you, but I’m not sure. Is that good? Because in the night, in spite of the stars and the smiling moon, I still see you in the darkness like a light that never turn off.

Elizabeth – Bioshock Infinitive Soundtrack